Travel through Thailand and sooner or later you will come across the word ladyboy. Not only in the nightlife or at the famous cabaret shows, but just as much in shops, restaurants, hotels and offices. Gender diversity is far more visible in everyday life here than many travellers are used to at home, and most people notice it in their first week.
That raises questions, and people often would rather not ask them out loud. What does the word actually mean? Why do you see so much more of it here? And how do you, as a traveller, simply act normal without being clumsy by accident?
That is what we explain below. The short answer to that last question: exactly the way you treat everyone else. The rest is context.
What kathoey and ladyboy mean
In Thailand you will often hear the word kathoey. The Thai term is used for, among others, trans women and people with a feminine gender expression who were registered as male at birth.
Among travellers the word ladyboy is the best known, and in the tourist areas you will hear it used in Thai English around you too. It is not a slur, but it is also not a word everyone uses about themselves.
And that is the most important point right away: this is not a group where everyone is the same. One person calls herself kathoey, another a trans woman, and someone else is perfectly happy with ladyboy. If you are not sure which word to use, use the one a person uses for herself. That is the whole rule.
Why you see it so much in Thailand
Kathoeys have been part of Thai society for a long time, and you can tell from where you meet them: not only in bars and clubs, but just as much behind the till, in a beauty salon, at a reception desk or in an office.
For many travellers that stands out, simply because trans people are more visible in ordinary street life in Thailand than in a lot of other countries. It is not that there are more trans people here, it is that they are less invisible.
What that visibility does not mean is that everything is sorted. Discrimination exists in Thailand too, and being visible on the street is not the same as having equal chances at work, housing or healthcare everywhere. That distinction matters, because as a tourist you mostly see the first part.
Thailand as a centre for transgender care
Thailand is internationally known for transgender healthcare and gender-affirming surgery. There are specialist hospitals and clinics that many patients travel to from abroad, and that is one of the reasons the subject is so openly discussed here.
Not everyone takes the same path. Some trans women use hormones, others also choose cosmetic treatments or surgery, and others have no medical transition at all.
Hormones
A physical transition often starts with feminising hormones, usually oestrogen, sometimes combined with medication that reduces the effect of testosterone. Over time this can lead to breast growth, among other things, and changes in fat distribution, skin and body hair.
That is not a change of a few weeks. Hormone therapy is a long process that ideally happens under medical supervision.
Treatments and surgery
On top of that there are all kinds of procedures to make someone’s appearance more feminine: breast augmentation, a nose job, reshaping the jaw and chin, lowering the hairline, reducing the Adam’s apple, laser hair removal, and voice training or voice surgery.
The most extensive is vaginoplasty, in which a specialist surgeon creates a vulva and, depending on the technique chosen, a vaginal canal. It is a major reconstructive operation that takes appearance, function and sensation into account, with a long recovery period and careful aftercare. In other words, something very different from the way it tends to get summed up in bar conversations.
Some people choose several procedures, others none at all. That is a personal choice and nobody else’s business.
What you cannot tell from looking at someone
This is the question that goes round backpacker circles most: how can you tell if someone is a ladyboy? The honest answer is that you often cannot, and that every rule of thumb you hear is unreliable.
Voice, height, hands, face or build all get mentioned, and none of them gives you certainty. On top of that, you certainly cannot tell from someone’s appearance which treatments they have or have not had.
If it genuinely matters to you in a personal or romantic situation, simply talking is infinitely more reliable than trying to guess. And outside a situation like that, it is simply not something you need an answer to.
The cabaret shows
One side you are almost certain to see as a traveller is the famous ladyboy cabaret shows. Especially in Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket and Chiang Mai you will find big productions full of dance, music, glitter and costumes that leave you speechless.
These shows have become a fixture on the tourist trail, and they make a great night out. What they are is entertainment by professional performers, like any other show. What they are not is a window into the everyday lives of kathoeys in Thailand.
In the nightlife, and the stereotype
You will also regularly meet ladyboys in the nightlife of Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket and Koh Samui, and that is where a stubborn misunderstanding comes from.
A ladyboy is not automatically a sex worker, and far from everyone works in nightlife. The stereotype exists mainly because tourists spend their time in exactly those areas and so meet someone there relatively often. It says more about where you are at night than about who they are.
Dating
When you travel you meet a lot of people, and sometimes it turns into more than a conversation. The same applies as always, and it is not complicated: talk to each other.
Everyone has different boundaries, expectations and preferences. So do not make assumptions about someone’s body based on their appearance or gender identity, and assume you only know something once it has been said. That goes just as much for the people you meet in your hostel, by the way.
How to be a respectful guest
Really, you do not have to do anything special, and that is exactly the point. Treat kathoeys the way you treat everyone.
What is not appreciated is just as predictable: taking photos without permission, staring, or trying to “expose” someone as a joke. That last one still happens among travellers, and it is every bit as hurtful as it sounds.
Being curious about a culture that works differently from yours is completely normal, and asking questions is fine. Just do it at the right moment and to the right person, and not as an opening line.
Where you will end up in Thailand and what to do there is on our Thailand page, place by place.
So what does this mean for you as a traveller?
Honestly: not much, and that is the best answer we can give. Ladyboys are not a tourist attraction but simply part of Thai society. The cabaret shows are entertainment, but beyond that you mostly meet kathoeys in completely ordinary daily life: in the supermarket, behind a desk, in the restaurant where you are eating.
If it is your first time in Thailand, you will probably notice it. Travel here a little longer and you will find that after a week you barely think about it any more, which is exactly how it should be.
So: be curious, ask your questions at the right moment and treat everyone with respect. And if you would like to see a real Thai cabaret show, go for it. It is a special night out, and the performers are true professionals, every one of them.
